I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they're like a gay fantastic four
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
