That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want a musical about memes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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