she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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