I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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