I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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