My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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