Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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