capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
