I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
