it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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