yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
