i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
