I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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