giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
