Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
