We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
