he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
