I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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