Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
