After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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