What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
