I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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