drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
