Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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