I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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