i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
