How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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