Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
