bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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