A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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