I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
