Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
