Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
