she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
