i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
