I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
