I think I died a long time ago.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
