I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
