Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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