I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
