I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
