You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
