Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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