Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
