So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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