don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
