Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
