I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
