He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You did what with his pubic hair?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
