so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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